"RETURN TO SLEEPAWAY CAMP" (2008)

NOTE:  This review was written a couple years ago.  I dug it up to include in the Shameful Review-O-Rama.


"RETURN TO SLEEPAWAY CAMP"  (2008)

DIRECTOR: Robert Hiltzik

CAST: Michael Digby, Jackie Cohn, Paul DeAngelo, Vincent Pastore, Issac Hayes, Johnathan Tiersten, Felissa Rose



Hey guys!
Let me start by saying that if you haven`t seen the original "Sleepaway Camp" then there`s really no reason to watch this movie. So, DON`T.
Also, this is a direct sequel to the first movie, that disregards parts 2 and 3. Kind of like "Halloween H20"...........except that "Halloween H20" had a well-known cast, decent production values, and played in theaters.

 Well, onto the review!

This is one bizarre slasher movie, folks. The movie begins with a scene of teenage boys lighting their farts, and that pretty much sets the tone for the whole movie. Remember that Nickelodeon show "Salute Your Shorts"? Well, this is kind of like "Salute Your Shorts".....except all the kids are foul-mouthed jerks, and everybody is mean to each other. And every once in a while someone is brutally murdered.

Robert Hiltzik, the creator/director of the original, is back. And for some bizarre, ungodly reason, he decided to make the entire movie revolve around Allan (Michael Digby), who happens to be one of the most obnoxious, unappealing, and unsympathetic characters in cinema history.
Allan is a pudgy, dirty, greasy-looking kid who acts like a jerk to everybody........and then runs away crying like a little girl when the kids he picks on retaliate.
Allan spends his days acting like a dick, getting picked-on, getting eggs thrown at him, getting his ass kicked by a fat black girl, getting yelled at by the counselors, and not changing his filthy clothes. Sometimes, he relaxes by playing with frogs. Yes, he literally just sits there on the ground and plays around with little frogs.

I`m really not sure what Hiltzik wanted us to make of Allan. He`s not an engaging protagonist (at all), and it`s impossible to feel sorry for the kid because he acts like a total dick to everybody.
Oh and did I mention he constantly yells "Your ass stinks!" at everybody? It`s like his catchphrase or something, and apparently he thinks it`s pretty clever because he says it all the fucking time. Yes, that`s right. "Your ass stinks."
Basically, Allan is like the complete opposite of quiet, shy little Angela from the first film.

Well, uh, I`m not sure where to go next with this review.
There is almost literally NO plot to describe......the entire movie consists of Allan`s crass antics, and every once in a while someone is brutally murdered by a mysterious cloaked killer. I think maybe we were supposed to think Allan might be the killer......but if that`s the case, then Hiltzik really fucked up because we can plainly see that the killer is a grown adult and obviously not Allan.

Onto the cast!
Paul DeAngelo, Johnathan Tiersten, and Felissa Rose return from the original, playing Ronnie the head camp counselor, Ricky (Angela`s cousin), and of course Angela. DeAngelo actually isn`t bad but he sure hasn`t aged well over the years. Tiersten pops up near the end and basically doesn`t do anything besides walk around in the woods with a flashlight. Basically, there`s absolutley no reason for him to be in the movie besides to be another red herring...and to have another returning cast member.
As for Angela.......eh, don`t get too excited because she`s in the movie for about five seconds.
I think Angela`s appearance was supposed to be a big surprise or something.....but again, Hiltzik and company fucked up big time again because Felissa Rose`s name is right there in big letters on the DVD cover.

Vincent Pastore (Big Pussy from "The Sopranos") plays the camp owner and is alright I guess. He`s basically the same character as the sleazy camp owner from the original.....except Pastore`s character isn`t as sleazy (he doesn`t sleep with the counselors), just kind of fat and lazy.
The late great Issac Hayes pops up for about five minutes as the camp cook. He`s good with his little bit of screentime, but I have to wonder what the point of him being in the movie was. I thought it would be a play on his 'Chef' character from "South Park".....but not really.

The kills are alright. Not bad, but nothing really that special. A couple of them are fairly inventive. There`s one kid that`s skinned alive and the others find him writhing around on the ground like that. Ouch!
Oh, one of my favorite moments in the movie: there`s this one kid named 'Weed'. They call him Weed because he smokes weed. He gets killed. When the paramedics are taking his body away on a stretcher, one of his idiot buddies stands there screaming "WEEEEEEEEEED!!!!!".


Well, I guess I`ll end this review by talking about the end of the movie.
Don`t worry, I won`t include any major spoilers.

The ending is completely redundant and totally anticlimactic.
The killer is revealed......but by this point, anyone who isn`t mentally challenged will know damn well who the killer is anyway.
So the killer is revealed........and then that`s it. The movie`s over. No confrontation. No 'final battle' or anything. The movie`s just over.
And it took HOW MANY years for Hiltzik to come up with this?

Oh and by the way: Allan ends up having nothing to do with anything. That`s right, the main character of the movie could have been removed completely and the plot would`ve been exactly the same.

Now I might sound like I hated this movie.....but really, I didn`t. It`s enjoyable in the same weird way as the original. Hiltzik DID capture some of the weird mood from the first movie, I`ll give him that. The whole sexual element has been removed though. The whole thing with the homosexual/transsexual overtones that made the original movie such a bizarre and unique slasher is lacking......but in a way this still feels like a proper follow-up, as opposed to the 80`s sequels, which were fun slashers but really had nothing in common with the original.
As a goofy slasher curiosity, I`d definitely recommend "Return To Sleepaway Camp" as a rental.

That`s it. Review over.